you should ask yourself before getting into a relationship
So, you think you’re ready to begin a new relationship, but you want to be sure before you start prowling the cities’ streets for a potential mate. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to find out if you’re really ready for your next relationship:
1. Am I happy with myself?
We’ve all heard the saying before, “If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?” And that’s true, but it also goes deeper than that. If you’re constantly looking outward for acceptance, love, and appreciation, you’ll always fall short and the disappointment will ruin the relationship. Before you commit to loving someone else, learn to love yourself.
2. Am I over my ex?
It’s important to make sure that you’ve dealt with any issues that may still be plaguing you from your previous relationships before you move onto a new one. While it’s okay to compare your current relationship to your previous one, it’s not a good idea to take old baggage into a new relationship with you.
3. How do I feel about starting a new relationship?
Are you nervous, afraid, paranoid, and cautious? Or are you excited, positive, eager and optimistic? This may seem like a no-brainer, but we can easily be swayed by the distraction of loneliness and forget entirely about how we’re really feeling. If you don’t feel 100% ready then give yourself a little more time. In the end the waiting will be worth it.
4. Do I know myself well enough?
Between school, friends, family and work, have you really given yourself enough time to know yourself as an adult? We can change so dramatically from the person we were in high school without even realizing it. Try to spend some quality time with your real #1 – you! Read, meditate, write, and/or go for a walk. The better you get to know yourself, the more you can bring to your next relationship.
5. What do I want from my next relationship?
Give it some serious thought. Do you want something serious or just for fun? Do you want to maintain your individuality or do you want someone who can spend a lot of time with you? What kind of your person you would like as a partner? What mistakes you don’t want to repeat again in your next relationship and so on. The more you know about what you want, the easier it’s going to be for you to choose your next partner.
6. Do I have realistic expectations?
We’d all love to have one of those sweep-me-off-my-feet kinds of romances, but life doesn’t always work that way. Now, that’s not to say that you should have low expectations, but keep them in check. Talk about your expectations with a friend who you respect and know will be honest and upfront with you; this should help you decide if your expectations are normal or based on Disney fairy tales.
7. Can I commit to a relationship?
Do you have the time, energy, and desire to commit fully to a relationship? If your work, school, or social schedule doesn’t leave enough time to invest in beginning a new relationship, you might want to wait until life slows down a bit so that you can really commit to the time it takes to build a relationship. Also, if you know you need to focus on your career or project of some sort, you might want to avoid the distraction of starting a new relationship. Being on cloud nine can get overwhelming. Or, if you just don’t feel the desire to start a new relationship – don’t. The ball is in your court and your next relationship should be on your terms.
8. Is what I’m feeling real?
It’s easy to be swept up in the lust, infatuation, and excitement of a potentially new relationship, but these things don’t necessarily equate relationship material. Try to objectively analyze the situation; if you think you might just be going along with it because you’re impatient, or you’re recovering from your last relationship – wait it out. Give yourself some extra time to find the real deal; again, it will be worth it in the end.
9. Is my potential partner compatible with me?
So, you’ve been on a couple of dates with the guy, but what drew you to him might not be enough to make it work. Make sure your values, ethics, and morals align – these are the most important things, because if you disagree on an ethical or moral level, then one of you will inevitably have to lower their moral standards to accommodate the other. Although you don’t need to be identical, having common interests or activities that you both enjoy will add substance to the relationship.
10. What are my boundaries emotionally, personally, and intimately?
We all have our limits. Some of us don’t like getting too physical too soon, while others don’t want to open up about their lives, and others still don’t like to give away too much about our emotions or psyche. Whatever it is, stick to them and be honest and open with a potential partner about it. If you’re both up for the challenge then you’ll have already forged a great start by opening up the channels for communication.
Be honest with yourself and take your time. There’s no need to rush into a relationship, no matter how long it’s been since your last one. Take time for you and you’ll be glad you did because people will learn to love you the way you love yourself.
Written by : Allison Mason